Life is not about walking on a bed made of roses – it’s rather a path filled with both petals and difficult thorns. Don’t give up when every prick touches you. It’s just a prick; you’ll never know the size of the next thorn, it could either be big or tiny than a dust. Facing this thorn alone is not a shame it’s just part of life. Not everything in life is easy. There are few situations that are common for everyone, but scenario is different.
Mistakes in love, bad boss, losing one’s self identity, losing oneself, never understanding the abuse that you go through, not realising one’s worth, suicidal attempts, financial instability, not knowing one’s strength, living a life expecting a happily ever after. Well, I know this much because I was one among those young girls. In fact to me it was a phase, everything happened together. I did once fall for someone that was not worth and before I could realize what it was, I knew that it had spread its claws into my deepest memory and mind. It haunts me in every way that it can. I couldn’t speak out and there were times that either wanted to run away and lock myself in a big room where no one would find me. By the time, I stepped out to the world again I had lost myself. I had turned out to be a different person. I never realised who was in front of me. When I looked into the mirror I found a different person, not the same.
People saw me as an arrogant person who could never abide by any rules. Never said yes to anything that I never liked. I was always alone; I was never bothered about anyone. Although I secretly was longing for someone to understand me better. I did find someone, but acted so immature, so stupid that even when the other person was wrong I ended up looking like the difficult person. I thought voicing over is always a better option but turned out that I was becoming more annoying. In class, I couldn’t accept bullying, because I was tired of it. I needed respect; I needed a place for myself. Everything was out of its place. I missed classes, but I never gave up on my dreams of getting into an amazing management profession.
I followed my own style of working towards my studies. Academics became a big pain, because the moment I walked into the class, there was a big bunch who ensured that they do everything that made me feel worthless. To me more than my studies, proving myself became my biggest priority. And I did, I was given a offer by a very big brand. Everyone who laughed at me, tried their best to put me down but couldn’t because by then I gathered up myself because of a victory. Realized that I’m wasting my life, felt powerful again and started exploring my strength. Stepped into the dancing floor after a real long time, felt that all those kilos that I gained by worrying was a waste.
I became much better. Tried my best to put everything negative behind me. By the time I could finish half I hit my workplace. But that’s where my dreams came crashing down. The strength that I had put in to overcome crashed to pieces, because I was asked to do something that I never liked. Something that was way opposite of what I did, studied and whatever I wanted to become. As an icing on my cake, it was topped up with someone who wanted to be the best in everything even at the cost of ruining someone. The hard truth about life is that the more you become vocal, the more people think that you are nothing. While it’s not true, it’s still believed with every hope in a few places considering their cultural background. Thanks to which, I was always looked different because of almost everything that I did.
The icing my cake drove me to the end of the world. Ensured that I was given everything that was difficult but never wanted me to grow up. In reality, there are absolutely two statements about icing, one – if it is too sweet, it spoils everything and two – if it’s just right it brings the best flavour of the cake. Well, I fell into the first one, the sweetest icing. Every time the icing was sweet I ensured that the icing knew everything about me and continued being myself. But yes, the sour butter in the icing couldn’t always be sweet. Icing’s bitterness crushed me everywhere I turned. It was a horrible moment when I was told that I was good for nothing; I was made to look like a stupid. I did voice out, but proved to be worthless. Icing worked perfectly wonderful in ruining every other great ingredient that worked with me, I was distraught. I wanted to end my life because every single day was a nightmare, not many speak about the person who ruins their life at work. Because it is always feared that it would hit you back as a boomerang.
Well, it did. My nightmare began as soon as I voiced out. My personal life was brought in as a topic. It went to that worst that I attempted to end my life. Just then, something prompted to me to make an attempt – a last one. Didn’t know how it would end up. I STOOD UP, I SURVIVED – against everything that was brought in against me. I hit negativity with negativity. Proved that no one can go down just that easy. People looked at me as someone with fire; they knew that it was time for them to stop. Icing went from being too sweet to just right.
When I took the big step, I got the next best opportunity. My icings were just right. I was treated with respect. I got what I wanted, proved to people that the last icing was wrong. People realised that something messed up somewhere. But yes, the path was never smooth. This time I knew how to handle it, because I realised that the very important that I focus on myself. I never gave up. Never went down. People around look at me as a very strong woman. I always ensured that I make my point right. When I got back on my feet, I was seen as someone with everything that’s best.
To me it was a phase. A big phase where I leant about falling down and standing up. This phase did take 8 years for me to overcome. I was lost like a lone survivor in the middle of an ocean, everything around me looked the same. I never wanted to take a chance. Because I was not sure, scared of myself that I would look like a fool, but when I look back now. I don’t regret for anything because I’m a survivor. I made it, I forgave people, I forgave myself. I overcame depression, today I’m back to being that same person that I was long time back. The person that only my closest friends knew about. My relationship became super normal and beautiful again.
I drive my dreams, I realised that destiny, power and future cannot be created now. Many times people lose themselves living for tomorrow, work hard to go forward but forget present. They forget what’s in front of them at the moment and dream about the future. But life is not that difficult to figure out. Present is a ladder used to climb to the future that we want. There is nothing wrong in living one’s life in their own style. But living is what is important, because while present is in our hands, time keeps moving forward. Time waits for none. Change is constant. One can never plan their life but financials can be planned. It’s important to have a very strong financial to survive. As the saying goes, make hay while the sun shines. The importance of financials is way more than what it seems to be. It paves way for a healthy life and helps realise the worth and value of life. I never did plan my financials all the while, but after 8 years I did. I ensured that I planned my financials.
It is ok to be wrong; it’s perfectly alright to be you. It’s always great to consider yourself as your super hero. Because the one’s that we read is in the books – a fiction. But you are a Survivor. No can replace your power. Your powers were never imaginary, it was real. It drove you through the thorns, it still would. It made to embrace your inner fire that created that defines you. You will never go down; you go up because your inner fire would always keep igniting you. It makes to go on. Walk past everything that ruined you. It ruins your past. It proves your power. It is that drive which creates your dream. It’s exactly what crafts you as a beautiful sculpture. Something that I’m always proud of is that I’m a woman, I don’t go down that easy, every time I make mistake, I rewrite, rewind , redo – start again, I create my own spark.
I don’t need a knight in Armour to help me come up. I go forward holding myself. My beauty isn’t what people define, it is what I define – I’m a rebellious strong unapologetic woman who wants to inspire everyone around me to stand up. It’s time to embrace our fire and live life to its fullest. Never go down in flames but go up in skies and be loud, be honest, walk with integrity, rise up to fulfill dreams. It’s never too late, only the past is gone – present and future is always in our hands. It’s ok to rewrite our pages or to create new memories, because it is your life. The life that you have been wanting all the while, the life that made you what you are today – The Best.
WoW.. some great prose here Pearl. Simply Awesome.